Strength
Here I sit during my fourth of five days of chemo treatment. Pulling through! I've mentioned before that I want this experience to be an opportunity to learn and grow. I know that I've learned quite a bit already, particularly about strength.
What has strength or being strong meant to me? Well strength has been saying "(gulp)okay, go ahead and remove my testicle (yikes!)". Strength has been agreeing to 9 weeks of chemo, after hearing the laundry list of terrible side effects. And then strength has been coming to chemo day after day, knowing that each dose, although coming closer to wiping out the big C, will also make me feel crappier. I've learned that you really can't have the good days without the bad days – how precious those good days are. I have learned so much about how strong I can be.
Equally important though, I've learned where that strength comes from. It comes from a deep faith in God. An optimism that fills my heart so completely – knowing that things will work out. I know that I have much work to do yet, and that this strength will allow me to achieve a great many things. Shit, after beating cancer what obstacle could be too challenging or too difficult?
I must also say that so much of my strength, faith and optimism comes from all of you – my support system. Those who believe so deeply in me and don't let me fall or falter. I am truly blessed to have such a level of support. I've said it before, i'll say it again and again. Ubuntu: I am because we are.
Thank you for giving me strength.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
July 26, 2009
John,
It is alway good to hear how you are doing and how you have taken this whole experience in stride. It is so great to hear that through out all of this you have still been able to continue to share your wisdom with us. keep strong.
July 27, 2009
All I have to say is I'm so sorry that you have to deal with all of this crap-cancer all the damn side effects associated with it. Again though, I'm glad the chemo is finally ending and you are always looking at that too and how it will benefit you and destroy the cancer. It's always amazing that you can see that bigger picture, something I can't usually do. Thanks to you I'm working on it, when things get tough. Thanks to you I've learned that I'm so lucky with all I have and I need to appreciate it so much more. You are my strength and why I keep going, thank god I have you as my brother. I don't know what I'd do without you. I love you so very much and I'm so proud of you and you're doing amazing and I'm always here for you!
Love always,
Cassandra
July 29, 2009
Strength also says it is ok to fall…and fall again.
Love says its ok to not be strong because it is who you are that matters…not how you are…or what you do that matters…does this make any sense? I do happen to think you do amazing things and that who you are makes it really fun to have you in a class or now, as a friend and fellow activist.
But, I think you are strong because you know that being weak is ok.
What this blog has been for me is a wonderful, wonderful, very wonderful space where being transparent is of the intentional value. Being transparent as an intentional way of being.
Seriously, John, our culture seems to be more into camouflage every day. Maybe that is what is calling you to being a film producer and/or director…the act of seeing what is hidden…letting the cameral lens capture it all…as is…
Can't wait to hear about the next film!