Hold your ground!

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Cumulative effects are a’coming. Chemo builds up and the nausea gets worse. Never experienced such constant nausea before, but the pills are helping. Just trying to stay ahead of it, which is difficult. Appetite is all over the place. Also feeling weaker and finding it harder to concentrate.

I guess this is all to be expected when the body gets pumped full of this toxin. I like to imagine the chemo and cancer are having a pretty epic showdown right now. Lord of the Rings style. I’m throwing pills on the front line and Cancer is goin’ down.

Only one more day of chemo before I get a break, until Thursday. Looking forward to that. Nurses continue to amaze me. Such deep compassion and love. I’m feeling the struggle that this is going to be and I couldn’t do it alone. Blessed to have so many wonderful people around me. I’ll get through this. One day at a time.

Oh and I’ve decided that Aragorn is leading my chemo troops. Enjoy this badass quote from The Return of the King:

” Hold your ground, hold your ground! Sons of Gondor, of Rohan, my brothers! I see in your eyes the same fear that would take the heart of me. A day may come when the courage of men fails, when we forsake our friends and break all bonds of fellowship, but it is not this day. An hour of woes and shattered shields, when the age of men comes crashing down! But it is not this day! This day we fight! By all that you hold dear on this good Earth, I bid you *stand, Men of the West!”

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry



Author: John Abdulla

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  1. John,

    It is truly great to hear that your taking all of this in stride. Also love the Lord of the Rings reference… and is it sad that the second I saw the first 3 words I knew exactly what scene it was from????

    Be sure to injoy your days off and get some rest too. Always remember to look at the positive side of things..you have 4 days down in your treatment just imagine how quick it will go by!

  2. I remember being in labor thinking i couldn't take any more. The only thing that kept me going was the knowledge that if I let it happen, it would be over sooner. It is temporary and there is progress. Hoping that will keep you going if it ever gets to the point that you feel it's just too much. Love you.

  3. Nurses are amazing human beings! Doctors too. And, we can not leave out the nursing assistants! Imagine setting your life up so that you are present to people when they are most vulnerable in so many ways. They choose a life of hard work and service…just to help us feel and be well.

    So, John, I am praying in thanksgiving now for nurses, nursing assistants and doctors ~ especially those who will be caring for you in these weeks.

    Love you.

    PS. Love from Lar too…thinking of you as well.

  4. Great. Now I'm picturing the battle of Helm's Deep waging in your immune system (dramatized House style).

    No, seriously though John, I admire you so much and your strength, and I think it's really great that you've started this blog so that 1) everyone who loves and cares about you can follow you on this journey and 2) so that YOU can look back on it when it's all over and say, "holy shit. I did that."

  5. I love you sooooo much Johnny! You are the MOST important person in my life and always will be. I love you more than anyone in this world. It kills me to see the person I love more than anything, going through such a hard time. I know that you will and can get through this though, ok? Please ALWAYS believe that and THAT myself and EVERYONE is here for you ALWAYS and FOREVER! Please, keep drinking plenty of fluids right now and taking plenty of those anti nausea meds so you NEVER throw up. This chemo will be over before you know it, I promise! Then it will kill this cancer! Although, in the meantime I shall still entertain you with my funny stories, hehe! So yeah up at the Weirs some middle aged dude that had a few teeth stopped and stared and he was wearing a yellow rain suit and he legitimately looked like a gentleman from the Gordan’s Fisherman Commercial! Johnny, why does this happen to me?? Haha! I thought of you though because he was toothless and I was PONDERING…I know Professor Burns world appreciate that word as I do enjoy pondering. Anyways, back to the story, so I was pondering, how I would look when I’m that age? Will I have any teeth? One, two? Eh, 3? You know it is my favorite number, haha maybe I can eat and drink enough sodas to still have AT LEAST 3 teeth at that age! Just as long as I’m not a creeper, looking at half-younger guys and smiling, especially toothless, right?! Then Dad was telling me a story of how Nanci and Jack had a throw down before. I guess Nanci told Jack that he can take his shirts and shove them up his ass! Haha! He’s like yeah, come at me and give it your best shot, deck me! Hahahaha! Imagine those two, going at it? Ahhhh, wouldn’t ya love to load the butter and popcorn and sit back and watch?! Better than any comedy, eh?! You should have seen her laughing, god she is hysterical! She said she wanted to load Jack’s drink up with demeral, haha! Then she wanted to stuff him in her trunk or something, hell sounds like something out of a scary movie to me! Well, I’m at work and got to run! Love youuuuuu! Get some rest and feel better! Byee!! Love always, Cassandra

  6. What would you do if Dr. House walked into your treatment room? I am going to make a personal call and get him there to kick things up a notch and whip that cancer into shape! :0)

    Take care and keep praying. Jake and his WHOLE family (which is easily 11+ people) send their love and prayers. Always in our thoughts and prayers..

    Loveee you!! say hi to smeagol for me!

  7. John –

    How else to imagine you but as a movie hero, battling strong and determinedly all the way. The LOTR theme runs through my head as I write this — hope it's on your IPod. (Mine was Raiders of the Lost Ark. I guess I was Marion, not Indy, but that music always played at once during each chemo cycle for me. I visualized those toxic little molecules just DECIMATING the bleeping cancer cells. Gotta love John Williams for the inspirational scores, eh?)

    So … keep taking the pills, taking deep yoga breaths, drinking the damned water (bottle after bottle after bottle ….), and fighting the good fight.

    Today's hint from the trenches … see if you can try the Gerber Baby version of Pedialyte — sorta like Gatorade for infants. It keeps the electrolytes in balance and helps you not get dehydrated. Because it's for babies, it's gentle and you can actually drink a few sips of it if it's the apple flavor and it's cold. 🙂

    Prof DLD

  8. "This day we fight! " great quote

    You're the only guy I know that can fight with a smile on his face. Except for maybe those psycho crazy type guys.

    Keep up the good battle.


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