I spoke too soon! I woke up Sunday morning, packed and ready to leave for UCONN where the conference was being held. Too bad my body wasn’t ready to let me leave. I not only slipped back into a nauseous state, but I also started throwing up which up until that day had been a rare occurrence throughout this whole chemo ordeal. Hours went by without any sign of improvement. My mind desperately wanted to leave for the conference, but my body just wouldn’t have it.
I felt foreign in my own body – like I was locked inside. I was locked inside a failing system. This frustrates me to no end. I hate such limitations. I hate losing control. But then, this whole experience has been all about giving it up. You’d think by now I’d learn. Yet still I fight it. I’d be lying if I said I’m not dissapointed about not being able to attend the incredible opportunity that this conference is. Yet I do know when to let things go. There is always next year and I know that my involvement with UNESCO will continue.
Right now the priorities in my life have been shifted dramatically. First priority is me. More specifically, it is my body. My mind and soul must aid my body through this difficult process until balance can be reached amongst all three. I feel like I’m in one of those comeback movies. This is the low part of my life, where things kinda suck. My comeback montage is just around the corner. And it will be glorious.