Dissapointment
I spoke too soon! I woke up Sunday morning, packed and ready to leave for UCONN where the conference was being held. Too bad my body wasn’t ready to let me leave. I not only slipped back into a nauseous state, but I also started throwing up which up until that day had been a rare occurrence throughout this whole chemo ordeal. Hours went by without any sign of improvement. My mind desperately wanted to leave for the conference, but my body just wouldn’t have it.
I felt foreign in my own body – like I was locked inside. I was locked inside a failing system. This frustrates me to no end. I hate such limitations. I hate losing control. But then, this whole experience has been all about giving it up. You’d think by now I’d learn. Yet still I fight it. I’d be lying if I said I’m not dissapointed about not being able to attend the incredible opportunity that this conference is. Yet I do know when to let things go. There is always next year and I know that my involvement with UNESCO will continue.
Right now the priorities in my life have been shifted dramatically. First priority is me. More specifically, it is my body. My mind and soul must aid my body through this difficult process until balance can be reached amongst all three. I feel like I’m in one of those comeback movies. This is the low part of my life, where things kinda suck. My comeback montage is just around the corner. And it will be glorious.
August 4, 2009
We miss you very much here! Professor Amii, Nana, Lena, Kara, and several of the student ambassadors who met you last spring send their love! It is amazing to be in a room of young adults from all over the world (and not so young adults) who share your the passion for social justice and human rights. The woman from the UN who spoke about Stand-Up and the Millennium Goals sounded just like you! I have her name for you to contact.
I also have notes and contacts for you so WHEN YOU FEEL BETTER, you can make connections. It is really grueling here, however. We begin at 8:00 and go until 9:00 with just a few breaks. It is tough work in the small groups at the end of the day, working on projects together, trying to reach a consensus. My work with ONE Curry and the FYHP prepared me well for this role as a facilitator. but, preparation does not make the democratic process easier or quicker. Smile.
But, yes. First things first. Take good care of yourself.
Love,
Patty
August 4, 2009
Don't worry, you'll be up and running in no time! You need this time for you and I'm so happy that you said that you come first! That's a very important realization for you to come to. I know how important this conference was to you and I'm so sorry that you felt so sick. You are right though that there's next year. Then you'll be feeling great and you can really enjoy it and be up and running to make the full comeback like you so desire. I'm glad the vomiting has stopped though and thank god, once again this thursday marks the end of it! Woohoo!
Love always,
Cassandra