Falling
Well these past few days have been incredibly trying. And on the cusp of my post about strength, I am indeed discovering what it's like to be utterly defenseless – feeling totally lost in it all.
My first few days of the 5day went well, but then the side effects started to become worse, fast. Nausea became terrible and I've felt incredibly bloated with fluids that they give me. I've never been so uncomfortable in my life. It is beginning to taper off now, but this gross humid weather doesn't help. I could keep complaining, but it wouldn't help. Suffice to say I am very anxious for this to be over, and (thankfully) it almost is!
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
July 30, 2009
John,
You've earned your stripes — and the right to complain a bit. What you have been through is, in many ways, unspeakable. Sometimes it's difficult to accept that the treatment designed to heal causes so much pain and discomfort. It's even harder when you're the one experiencing it. We'll all be glad when you emerge from these last trying days. Your ability to get through this with such strength, grace, honesty and fortitude is nothing short of amazing.
July 30, 2009
Hi John!
I know it isn't easy but I see you as beating it all and God blessing you beyond your imagination and this present moment. Indeed, look at all the wisdom and love and prayers being sent to you every day and how those sincere and passionate and loving responses are lifting you up and also, lifting up the whole world. My Mom always taught us that every prayer is heard and never wasted. She also taught us not to worry when we could pray….I know easier said then done, but she did it John….every day, through many, many, many years of battling and being challenged…I still cry over her being gone, but she loved you John….she always asked for my students and prayed for them and rooted for them too….she was pleased that I had a student who excelled beyond the norm and shined on every assignment and who transformed the world around him….she was that type of person too…..it is hard to describe how love transforms us sometimes, but I know my Mom was blest with an extraordinary capacity to love and you are too John….and everyone around you is being transformed by your essence…..His Love. I was so blest by Cassandra's outpouring of love on her last entry…and Patty's last entry almost made me cry…why? Because she is right….just think, your blog is allowing so many to reveal who they really are and how deeply they love….especially you.
John, also remember this……the scriptural passage where the Widow keeps asking for justice….see Luke 18: 1-8. Jesus teaches us the Judge was corrupt, but the Widow persisted and she received her request. That passage has always fascinated me and brought me hope too….for justice and healing and many miracles….truly, it isn’t often looked upon as a miraculous passage, but I think it is.
Take good care John….you are almost done and tomorrow and your future look bright…..prayers of love are lifting you up.
His Grace!
Prof. B.
P.S. Ugh! I agree about the humid weather….it will break quite soon and we will feel much better…..I think it changes every five minutes or so in New England! PAX!
July 31, 2009
John, DLD is right! you have every right to complain — and loudly! In the Hebrew tradition, railing at God is completely fair game – no danger in God not being able to take it!
In the book of Job, for example, there are some pretty wild accusations Job hurls at God — demanding a hearing from God and knowing his suffering was undeserved. It is one of my favorite books – so raw and real, full of all the trite answers we humans give to suffering; and Job refuses to be comforted by any explanation at all. Suffering is undeserved and God should do better!
It's not your style to imitate Job, but for heaven's sake, let loose a full-blown wild, angry primal scream once in awhile! At the very least you will make me feel more comfortable because you are a tough model to imitate as it is. A little grousing now and then will help me feel better about my own inner grumblings! 🙂
Hugs and prayers aplenty,
Bette
August 1, 2009
John, from the heart of Africa, in Zimbabwe, prayers are being offered for your quick recovery. You have come a long way, and now it is almost over. May the same courage and patience with which you have battled this up now continue to sustain you. You are in my prayers, today and always. Father Lawrence Daka SJ
August 3, 2009
That must've been really awful, I can just imagine all of the discomfort you have been feeling. I am soo glad that it is ending, once and for all! I agree with Bette's comment though and you are fully deserving of the right to complain, let it all out my friend in an uproar if you wish! God knows you've been through enough to let loose and scream and whatnot if that will help. Thankful that you will be feeling much better soon though!