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The battle rages inside and I’m feeling the effects on the outside. Can’t concentrate as well, stuff seems less interesting – almost an out-of-body experience, actually. But hey, I’m plugging away. The nausea has been at bay for the most part, but stupid acid-reflux is a killer now. Doc says it’s a result of the chemo, so I’m getting another prescription to keep it down. Yet another medication!

Finding it somewhat difficult to not be productive. Funny, when you get used to “doing” all the time and analyzing everything in terms of “what you get done” it’s hard to take a step back and not do. I’ve become so hardwired that way. Right now my body is fighting away at this and I need to concentrate on that. Imagine though, if I were suffering this anywhere else in the world? In a developing country? A place where there is no time to stop “doing”, because “doing” means living another day. Reminds me to be grateful to be fighting this disease under these circumstances. Sure, it sucks, I can’t deny that. But it sucks a whole lot more for people who can’t afford simple treatments or put food in their belly. Actually, it more than sucks. It’s unjust. No one should suffer that. But they do. And we allow it to happen. Every day.

I know, I’m getting up on my soapbox. It’s gonna happen. Not to be depressing though. Just to hit home a point. That we’re all in this together. Our suffering – it’s all the same. The good news is, we can do a lot to change it.

That’s all I’ll say for now, before I ramble on to much! But I assure you, to be continued…



Author: John Abdulla

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  1. I love you soo much Johnny! As always you are so grateful of everything in this world. You’re so amazing. I truly learn so much from you everyday! I miss you already! <3 I have the picture in my dorm at school of when I was 5 and you were 7 and I keep looking at it all the time, it’s on my facebook too. I just think of how amazing you were back then and protective of me and still are. I try and be the same way and be the eyes watching out for you, protecting you. Even back then, I loved saying YOU were MY big brother and I still love it! It puts a smile on my face. It’s so funny because everyone that knows me knows all your accomplishments and loves you from what I tell them and what they’ve seen, and if they’ve had the pleasure of meeting you. Sorry you feel out of sorts now. I would take advantage of eating anything and everything you can. Try not to stress and get as much rest and enjoyment in everyday. It’s your time to really have a time of relaxation and focus on YOU! You come first and you really need to take care of yourself and make yourself the number one priority. I’m always here by your side and always will be! =) Whatever you need, I’ll be here. I love you bunches and bunches! Love always,

  2. Hey John,

    Takes a lot of courage to climb on the soap box ~ especially when it would be so understandable if you just crawled under the covers during this process.

    What I see you doing on the soapbox is proclaiming your solidarity, yet once again, with all those who suffer on this earth. Suffering is the test of love, isn't it. Sitting with those who are suffering, sharing your suffering as you suffer, conquering the isolation of suffering with informed empathy, compassion, and forgiveness. Mmm…sounds a lot like a Jewish carpenter we both know!

    Not doing much of anything? Wow! Now that will be a real identity shake up!!! Don't worry though. Just being is powerful!

    Hope the acid reflux has stopped.


  3. So will you be able to ride in the Tour de France when this is all over???

  4. Hi, John!

    You are always in my prayers and I know you are strong and full of faith and hope too. Start planning the next cookout for the end of August or so….I am collecting more names from the past.

    Hang tough, John, and God bless you!

    Prof. B.

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